Attachment

Parents. They're supposed to be like Mama and Papa Bear. They're supposed to lead the way for their little ducklings. Show their babies how to fly. Teach them how to hunt. Demonstrate how to get along with the rest of the pack or run from potential predators. All in an effort to eventually allow their babies to fend for themselves. Well...what happens when they're not there to teach these lessons? Well, in the case of ducklings, they just follow someone or something else as a surrogate. In the case of baby monkeys, they die.

Isn't it the same for people? I mean, parents are supposed to show their children how to do things like love and socialize in attempt to show them how to survive. When a child doesn't get these elements from their parents, what happens? Without receiving love from a parent, a child grows up unable to love others. And there's a huge misconception here. No parent in their right mind could say, "I don't love my child." The discrepancy is that the way you love your child may differ completely from the way your child needs to feel the love. For example, there are a lot of parents who can't spend time with their children because they're busy with work, hobbies, etc. But they compensate by buying their children toys, gifts, etc. Well, the child could care less about that stuff in some instances, because all the child NEEDS is the time of his parent. So, this parent is working so hard at buying nice things but the child still walks away saying, "He doesn't love me." Totally, not what the parent is intending.

What about those who are able to love, but love a little too easily? It's like that little naive duckling without a mom that'll follow you as soon as you walk by. At times, it can be an instance of "Lookin' for love in all the wrong places." For these folks, you have to look around and take inventory of those with whom you surround yourself. I hope there is one or maybe even two people who genuinely do love you back. Love doesn't always come from where you want, but it usually is there. There may be the mother or father of a friend, an aunt, uncle, godparent, grandparent, or just a really close friend. Find solace in that and accept it. Don't place unrealistic expectations on them, but know that you can find love there.

Without learning how to socialize from your parents, you grow up awkward and socially inept. It's important that parents show their children how to care for others, be considerate, call for birthdays, pay visits, maintain friendships, etc. But, the only way you can genuinely teach your kids how to do this is to do this in your own life! Your child will not listen to you preach about how to be a good friend if you never have friends of your own come over, call, invite you to events or anything else. And, if you are unable to do this because you DON'T have close friendships, then perhaps you need to reevaluate your situation, because you are teaching your children how to not have close friendships.

I think that when your family life isn't where you would like it to be, a piece of you does die. Unfortunately for many people, instead of dealing with these feelings honestly, they try and make up for it by partying, shopping, overeating, drinking, cleaning, abusing drugs, being promiscuous, and just plain ol' overindulging.

As "children," we have to understand that our parents have made shameful mistakes and have embarassing regrets just like we do. Many times, they don't come to terms with these or repress these feelings or just plain ol' don't want to talk about certain things with us. So they act weird towards us or blame us for doing things that remind them of what they did. We need to realize that at the end of the day, they're still our parents and we have to love them, whether we like them or not. We don't get a choice to return them and buy new ones because of their defects. I'll say this though. As a "child," you have a mental construct of what your parents are supposed to be. There almost always comes a day when you find out that who you thought your parents were and who they are are two totally different things. When that happens, don't be disappointed. Use it as a learning opportunity to not make those mistakes yourself. If you have a parent that doesn't treat you well, the blessing is that, now you can make the decision to never treat your own children that way. I'm not saying this is easy. It's a process, but a process with a positive outcome in the end. Cuz like they always say..."What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger." And, believe me, it does.

Peace.