Nobody's perfect. That's the first step in having any type of successful relationship. But a friendship is one that must include and practice on a regular--honest & tasteful communication, respect for each others' feelings, commonalities and time spent together.
Now, I'm someone that has a hard time letting people go, but what I've come to realize is that..you can't hold on to everyone. Especially if they don't want to be held onto. The person that I was years ago is not the person I am today. Likewise, friends of mine from years ago are not going to be the same people today. A lot of the times though, that's what we hold onto. Old memories. Well, stop hanging on and take a good look at what's in front of you. If not, you'll end up playing yourself... Giving people the benefit of the doubt... Making excuses for them...Going out of your way to make the friendship work... Not accepting what is because of what you'd hope for it to be. Face it--It is what it is. You stopped being friends for a reason and chances are, the reason hasn't changed.
Hopefully, as your life moves along, you've filled that space with much more meaningful relationships. When you take a step back to reevaluate what's really going on, hopefully you'll see that everything you need is right there in front of you. It's not a good feeling to know that you need to let someone go, but it's a good feeling to know that with or without that person, you love and are loved by others regardless.
Peace. :)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I am the way you see me...so stop asking me
When I get engaged, I'll let you know. If I get pregnant, I'll probably blurt that out too. Until then, please stop asking me! As of right now, I'm in a happy, healthy and loving relationship and that's where I am.
It's weird. Not only do we torture ourselves (with all the worrying about the past and the future that we inflict on ourselves/feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, etc.), but others torture us as well. Misery definitely loves company. It's kind of hard these days to find people who are happily married and who have stayed that way for decades. It's a blessing to run across a couple who has stayed together for 20 years. But, people still are hounding me about when am I going to get married, don't I want to have children, what am I waiting for, blah blah blah.
Jeez people. You're not even happy in your own relationships, so why are you trying to corner me into getting into something that I'm not ready for? You already know it's hard. Obviously..you're struggling with it right now or have in the past. It's not that I don't want to get married, but it's that I want to get married when we're both ready. A wedding is a one day event. A marriage is a lifetime event (or anyway, I want mine to be). A marriage takes more than love and affection to see it through till then end. It also takes finances, a commitment to be selfless, maturity, and the list goes on! I'm not a complete nincompoop, but when I say I'm not ready, it's because I'm not and I don't think it's right to try to convince me or try to rationalize with me otherwise. When people get married who are not yet ready, they end up divorced. And, in my opinion, I think we have enough of that already. So, in due time............
Peace.
It's weird. Not only do we torture ourselves (with all the worrying about the past and the future that we inflict on ourselves/feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, etc.), but others torture us as well. Misery definitely loves company. It's kind of hard these days to find people who are happily married and who have stayed that way for decades. It's a blessing to run across a couple who has stayed together for 20 years. But, people still are hounding me about when am I going to get married, don't I want to have children, what am I waiting for, blah blah blah.
Jeez people. You're not even happy in your own relationships, so why are you trying to corner me into getting into something that I'm not ready for? You already know it's hard. Obviously..you're struggling with it right now or have in the past. It's not that I don't want to get married, but it's that I want to get married when we're both ready. A wedding is a one day event. A marriage is a lifetime event (or anyway, I want mine to be). A marriage takes more than love and affection to see it through till then end. It also takes finances, a commitment to be selfless, maturity, and the list goes on! I'm not a complete nincompoop, but when I say I'm not ready, it's because I'm not and I don't think it's right to try to convince me or try to rationalize with me otherwise. When people get married who are not yet ready, they end up divorced. And, in my opinion, I think we have enough of that already. So, in due time............
Peace.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Making Decisions..We Need to Do Better!
So, as you all know, I'm a preschool teacher. Two days ago, a little girl in my class was smelling a little rough. So I asked her over and over again if she needed to go to the bathroom and she kept telling me no. Finally, I got her to go to the bathroom and long story short, she had pooped on herself. But, the poop was dry, which meant she'd been walking around in that all day long and that it possibly had happened HOURS before I got to her. She told me that it happened in the morning, she had told her mother, and that her mother had told her, "I don't care" stopped talking to her and then they proceeded to walk to school. Without attacking the mother, I told her what I was told by the child and asked if she knew anything about it. Of course, she told me "No..I don't know where she got that from, I didn't even know it had happened..maybe she was afraid she'd get in trouble." This mother is 21 years old with 3-year-old twins and a 6 month old baby...works a very low-paying job and has very little time to spend with her children. I think it's safe to say that she has not made the kind of decisions that would allow her to handle her responsibilities...
Next scenario. Sometimes when parents are young and unestablished in life, they are unable to provide for their children. The kids get bounced around from family member to family member and even school to school because the parent is doing their best to give the child the best opportunities possible. My thing is, if you decide to have a child, that is YOUR decision. Please don't force everyone around you to take on that responsibility. That is between you and the child's other parent. If the two of you cannot work it out so that the TWO of you are taking care of your children, perhaps you should reconsider having unprotected sex or deciding to keep your child. I'm not proposing abortion, but there are plenty of willing parents out there who want to adopt because they can't have children or just because that's a decision that they feel their family is ready for. It is not fair for your family and friends to have to bear the responsibilities associated with raising and loving a human being (that is not the choice that they would have made on their own)! A lot of young parents push their children onto their grandparents. Well, if you think about it...your parents are old enough that you have your own children. Don't you think they have moved on from the "parenting" phase and want to relax? But, now they can't because they have another mouth to feed. That's terrible.
Kids aren't just cute...they're in need of constant attention, love, financial attention, boundaries, a routine, a safe environment, a healthy diet, access to healthcare, room & time to play and just the freedom to be a child! Sometimes, people say, "I just want something that will love me!" Ok, so if that's the only reason you're having a child, what happens when the kid hits puberty and decides, "I can't stand you, leave me alone..." ?
I realize that I have been raised in a situation that is more favorable than that of some others, and I'm sure this skews my opinion but I deal with children everyday. I see their situations and many of these 3-year-olds and some of the people in my own circle have dealt with things at such a young age, that I in my 24 years of living have not had to deal with ever. They're forced to experience things that they shouldn't have to and they know things that a young child shouldn't.
Make better decisions about the partners you choose. Make better decisions about what you do with these partners and realize that once you have children, you have to grow up, be selfless and make decisions that will benefit your children. It doesn't matter if you're young. It doesn't matter if you've done all the partying and recklessness that your friends have done. At that point, get over it, because your child needs you. Don't make decisions that work for the short-term. Think about your children's and your family's future.
Peace.
Next scenario. Sometimes when parents are young and unestablished in life, they are unable to provide for their children. The kids get bounced around from family member to family member and even school to school because the parent is doing their best to give the child the best opportunities possible. My thing is, if you decide to have a child, that is YOUR decision. Please don't force everyone around you to take on that responsibility. That is between you and the child's other parent. If the two of you cannot work it out so that the TWO of you are taking care of your children, perhaps you should reconsider having unprotected sex or deciding to keep your child. I'm not proposing abortion, but there are plenty of willing parents out there who want to adopt because they can't have children or just because that's a decision that they feel their family is ready for. It is not fair for your family and friends to have to bear the responsibilities associated with raising and loving a human being (that is not the choice that they would have made on their own)! A lot of young parents push their children onto their grandparents. Well, if you think about it...your parents are old enough that you have your own children. Don't you think they have moved on from the "parenting" phase and want to relax? But, now they can't because they have another mouth to feed. That's terrible.
Kids aren't just cute...they're in need of constant attention, love, financial attention, boundaries, a routine, a safe environment, a healthy diet, access to healthcare, room & time to play and just the freedom to be a child! Sometimes, people say, "I just want something that will love me!" Ok, so if that's the only reason you're having a child, what happens when the kid hits puberty and decides, "I can't stand you, leave me alone..." ?
I realize that I have been raised in a situation that is more favorable than that of some others, and I'm sure this skews my opinion but I deal with children everyday. I see their situations and many of these 3-year-olds and some of the people in my own circle have dealt with things at such a young age, that I in my 24 years of living have not had to deal with ever. They're forced to experience things that they shouldn't have to and they know things that a young child shouldn't.
Make better decisions about the partners you choose. Make better decisions about what you do with these partners and realize that once you have children, you have to grow up, be selfless and make decisions that will benefit your children. It doesn't matter if you're young. It doesn't matter if you've done all the partying and recklessness that your friends have done. At that point, get over it, because your child needs you. Don't make decisions that work for the short-term. Think about your children's and your family's future.
Peace.
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